Turned down after going round and round caring for my 91 Y.O. Mom in our home

Discussion in 'Share Your Personal Experience' started by parkeagle, Jun 24, 2014.

  1. parkeagle

    parkeagle Newbie

    After a year of being handed off from agency to agency, Va to Va and being told before we got in this spot that A&A would not be a problem.

    Here is what happened.

    My 91 year old Mother was living on her own 2 states away last year. Her husband ( my Father ) and her were married 63 years. Both she and he served during WW2. He passed away almost 2 years ago. Of course she insisted she stay in her home so we did everything we could to make it possible from several states away. But it didn't work out. It turned out she couldn't take care of herself and her doctors were going to place her in assisted living or a nursing home if someone from the family did not take her in.

    We were the only choice as my other brother and his family were already taking care of his MIL.

    The only way we could however was to give up our home because it was too dangerous for her and too far away from services.

    So we rented a home larger than we needed, asked our 28 year old son to return home to assist as we both had to work. So we moved her in kicking and screaming. The family agreed that since moving, getting a car to take her to Dr's and everything ( she couldn't get in and out of our vehicles, that the extra cost of housing, car, and other assorted cost came to about $1700 a month. So everyone agreed that we would charge Mom that against her income and apply for A&A.

    So we did that. After the VA helping and losing the paperwork 2twice. After losing the Dr report recommending A & A or nursing home. And starting all over again in December and finally going to our Congressman they turn her down.

    Why, she makes too much. $23,525 is all she takes in. It takes us that much more in expenses to take care of her each month. To top that off my wife hasn't been able to work for over 6 months and our income is reduced in half. We are losing everything.

    Shouldn't the $1750 a month she has been paying us have been deducted from her income?

    We are at the end of our rope. We don't want to send her to nursing care but we can't take the losses any more. We need help. Anyone?
  2. vetadmin

    vetadmin Administrator Staff Member

    Yes, what she is paying you should have been deducted bring her income down.

    Do a VA form 21-4138 Statement in Support of Claim informing the VA that she is paying the $1750 a month to her caregiver and that you don't believe that they backed that out of her income. That's $21,000 a year out of her $23.000. They did not allow for her expenses.

    DO NOT go into all the expenses you have incurred as they VA is only interested in what she is paying for care. So keep it clean and simple stating that you believe they did not giver her credit for care expenses bring her "countable" income down for approval.

    Please come back and let us know how it turns out, and Good Luck with getting it straightened out.
  3. parkeagle

    parkeagle Newbie

    Should we include a contract so they do not ask = prove it - and it slowed down again.

    Or should we redo the financial statement. It is so frustrating that the people at VA did not address this at all when they filled out the forms. We also went to the State Rep for VA for their help and they never addressed what she was paying even though we told them.
  4. vetadmin

    vetadmin Administrator Staff Member

    You only need to include an invoice as contracts can be broken. They only care what she is spending for care.

    You can update the financial statement showing the care and where is really is when these expenses are factored in.

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