Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by MYFATHERSKEEPER, Dec 27, 2010.

  1. Hello,

    I have never posted before but I read for advice a lot since August of 2009 when beginning this whole process of Aid and Attendance began. My father is 90 and has congestive heart failure and dementia and lives with me I am his 24 hr a day 7 day a week caregiver.

    After a year and a half of being put through hell by the VA they call and give me 24 hrs notice that they are coming here tomorrow to quote go ever my fathers entire financial records and make me account for every dime of his money. He said I have to have a background check and credit check and he wants to see bank statements and lists of assets (which he has none of) and I feel like I am on trial. This man said this money is not for you to spend or divide up among your family members it is for the care of the veteran.

    I said I make sure my father has everything he needs and I take excellent care of him the only one who neglects him is the VA!

    Is this normal? Is there any advice you can give me?

    My father has way more going out than he does coming in and I have given up my whole life to care for him to keep him out of a nursing home and give him the proper care that he needs. I devote my life to him and I feel like these people have kept his lump sum so they can draw interest on it and they havent cared what he has had to go without while they kept his money.

    I am just so upset by all this. I waited so long for this to happen and now that it has its even worse than the process was.
  2. vetadmin

    vetadmin Administrator Staff Member

    Take a deep breath!!

    The interview process is quite normal. If he was in a facility, it would have been held there.

    You also need in spite of how justified you may be in being angry, is to be "nice" and keep remarks to yourself. These Field Agents along with the VA in general have a lot of power and don't usually hold well to folks who try to take them to task.

    The process, if you have everything handy should not take more than an hour. They are looking to make certain that you meet eligibility for Fiduciary. You cannot be a convicted felon and be appointed, so just a couple of more hoops and you will be through this.

    Let us know how it all turns out for you.

    Good luck!
  3. AnnieN

    AnnieN Newbie

    Hello. I echo the "deep breath" advice. I went through the fiduciary interview in October at my Mom's Assisted Living Facility and it really wasn't bad. They called and gave me 24-hours notice too. I had my application for Aid and Attendance and my decision letter from the VA handy and that helped. There's a summary of my experience at this link:,969.msg3619.html#msg3619. Or, you could search on fiduciary. Good Luck to you. AnnieN
  4. Thank you for this wonderful forum and for your advice.
  5. After this visit today will they do this every year?
  6. vetadmin

    vetadmin Administrator Staff Member

    Once you are approved as the Fiduciary, you will not need to do this again. What you will have to do every year is the EVR - Eligibilty Verification Report, so be certain to keep excellent accounting records of all medical and care expenses.

    Take a breath and let us know when it's over.
  7. I can't thank you enough!
  8. jpez

    jpez Full Member always helps if you skip cleaning any firearms for another day.......... ;D

    you'll be fine. I have yet to know anyone to have a bad experience with these visits.
  9. The man seemed friendly enough when he got here in person and my entire family was present for the meeting including my three sisters.

    He basically told me that the lump sum was not to be touched for any reoccuring expenses and I still do not really understand this. He also said that my caregiving expense which I charge 400 dollars a week for was not to come out of this account that the pension was being deposited into?

    He said to take that out of my fathers regular account that his social security is deposited in. I had to quit my job to stay home and take care of my father and I have to have this money to pay the bills and keep a roof over his head. It is much less than a nursing home would charge or a home health care person if I had to pay one.

    Since my father only gets 11 hundred and something from social security a month there clearly isnt enough to pay my caregiving. He seemed to get very angry at me for even charging this money. I wish I didnt have to charge my father but like I said I cannot work outside the home now that I give him 24 hour care.

    Then the next day he called me back and said that because I had a bankruptcy six and half years ago (due to medical bills) that I could not be the fiduciary. He said I asked you if you had anything that would show up on these background checks and you said no so you lied to me. I said I knew nothing would be on my background check because I have NEVER been any trouble in my whole life and I did know the bankruptcy would be on there but I didnt think it would matter because it was six and half years ago and since then I have never been late on any bills EVER and am in no debt what so ever. He said he would appoint a fiduciary over my fathers affairs because I had tried to deceive him.

    I told him that I meant no disrespect at all but I did not understand how something from so long ago could possibly mean I had tried to deceive him and I assured him that I am an honorable person who has devoted my entire life to my father and always put his needs before my own. He said he would appoint me temporary fiduciary and would be watching everything I do.

    I have to tell you that I have never been so insulted in my life. I fought for this pension for my father for a year and a half in order to be able to keep caring for him. The VA nurses come here to my home quite often as my father is on home health care and they know I give him excellent care he has florished under my care.

    I thought this whole process would be over finally and its only gotten worse. I was reading on here most of the stories about fiduciary meetings were with the persons parent living in assisted living or nursing homes and wonder if anyone else who has their parent living at home with them has ran into anything like this?

    I do understand there are people out there who take advantage of their elderly parent and assure you that is not the case here.
  10. vetadmin

    vetadmin Administrator Staff Member

    Well, I have to say, this is the first time I have heard of things going so poorly, and I'm sorry that this interview had to be the exception.
    If I had known there was a bankruptcy in your past, I could have given you a heads up on this.

    Don't take it personally, as the agent was only doing his job. While I have no doubt that you only have your dad's best interst at heart, there are many who do take advantage of those who hold Fiduciary over a veteran or widow. I think the agent should have been able to use some discression, but chose not to.

    The delimea is that the person who controls the money and who is also paid from the pension in the VA's eyes could easily manipulate the situation, so here is what I recommend. If one of your siblings could be appointed, then they could write a check from the other account as they would be paying you and you wouldn't have this issue. Overseeing it they way you are now, only allows for 5% of the pension.

    You can write a letter as though your dad wrote it, stating that he is requesting that your (sister) be appointed as his Fiduciary. Then she can pay you the amount that you need to take care of your dad.

    Hopefully one of them will pass the background requirements that won't be in violation of acting as Fiduciary. If that is the case, this would be the easiest way around this.

    Again don't take it personally. I understand that this process alone is challenging and this only made things go from bad to worse, but the agent was only following guidelines. Just wish he could have been nicer bout things. The last thing you want is for the VA to be appointed as the Fiduciary, so hope family dynamics will allow for this work-around.

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