Mom is a Former Spouse who divorced because of abuse -- can she qualify?

Discussion in 'Share Your Personal Experience' started by Daughterneedinghelp, Sep 11, 2011.

  1. My Mom and Dad divorced when I was 12 .. He was a'm abusive alcoholic and due to court orders I can prove it. Sje qualified for tri care for life under the 20/20/15 plan because of when she divorced i'n '83 and has never remarried. Now at 78 she really needs help.. Can she qualify for Aid and Attendance Pension?
  2. vetadmin

    vetadmin Administrator Staff Member

    Did your dad ever remarry?
  3. Yes My Dad remarry and has a more children. He's 80 years old now and two years ago he was sent to prison for child abuse against my lttle brother. Peole never change but Times have changed. When I was a child there wasn't much help for my family and we never talked about what we went through at home.... and now, they will convict him and and put him in prison for 1/2 what he use to do. My Mom left to save my family she never remarried. The fact that she never remarried allowed her to get all of her Tricare for life medical. She was married to my Dad for 30 years. 17 1/2 while my Dad was in the miltary and 13 after. She could have gone back an recieved part of his retirement years ago but my Dad left the country and stayed gone for years. We talked to attorneys at the time but it was going to take thousands to track him dowm and seve him with papers. Money Mom did not have.
  4. vetadmin

    vetadmin Administrator Staff Member

    I'm sorry for your experience, and know this has been a difficult journey. I truly hate to add to what has already been a tremendous amount of sadness, but your mom would not qualify for this pension due to his remarriage.
  5. Thank you for your help and you may be right. I wanted to see if anyone else on here as been through something similar. I think I am going to consult an attorney who specializes in VA benifits. The fact that he remarried did not stop her from qualifing for medical. It is not her fault my Dad remarried and she never did remarry. She loved my Dad but he abused all of us and she had to leave. I do think I can prove with court orderes , and wittness testimones the abuse and I am hoping that the system will not leave a 78 year old woman in this situation I know the law is vague based on what I have read.
  6. vetadmin

    vetadmin Administrator Staff Member

    It is indeed rare that the VA will consider if the divorce was due to physical abuse, and that there is a verifyable record as well as noted in divorce papers.

    However, I am not aware of the VA ruling favorablly if there is now a legal spouse who is entitled to his benefits. If he had not remarried, and the marriage ended prior to Nov 91, she could file for the pension, so I would be interested in what you might discover that would be different.
  7. I'll be happy to let you know and if I could help someone else would great. I only want the Aid and assitanve pention. Not his retirement pay. The fact that my Dad was an alcholic and arrested and restraining orders against him due to fear of abuse is well documented. Winesses such as every family member and neighbors of that time will be easy. The divorce from 83 did not state abuse however domestic violence was not treated the same in 83 as is is today. I have documents from when I was eight from Doctors noting bleeding stomach ulcers .. but growing up in alcoholic family back was about not letting anyone know.. not telling anyone so.. I am not sure what other documents they will require. My mother wrote a letter to the president of the United States at the time of her divorce noting the reason for her dovorce and that she did not want to get divorced and needed to be able to go with me on base to go to the doctor and to the BX.. The DOD wrote her back acknowledigng that the many thought the laws should be changed to help former spouses hower at that time .. 1983 the law did not allow for it but that the laws were being reviewed. Leter the law changed regarding retirement and she was allowed to file to get part of his retirement that meant serving him with papers. That's when he left the country until after the time period to file had lapsed.
    I was in high school at the time.
    Recently, I was told by many including on base she was also no longer qualify for Tricare for life but she did.. you have no idea the trouble I had to go through to get to someone at DEERS who knew the law. I am hoping this will be the same situation but I'm not sure. I do think because he remarried should matter since she did not and none of this was her fault. Even he would agree with that.
  8. mebnana

    mebnana Newbie

    How I sympathize with your mom. I was married to my ex through his entire 16 years military career. We divorced after 36 years of marriage for Verbal and mental abuse from him and his attempts at bodily harm. Yes, he has remarried, but I want to know how Social Security can manage to pay me from his benefits as well as his new wife. I have worked with the senior population for 30 years in health care and found out about this benefit perhaps 10 years ago. It is a wonderful and absolutely deserved benefit for the military who served, as well as the spouses who kept their lives and families together while their soldier was engaged in war. I have assisted many seniors since learning about this benefit to apply for and receive this "hidden" benefit, as I call it. I deserve and earned this Aide right along with my ex-husband. He was in Vietnam; he came back only to torture me with verbal and physical abuse and sexual addiction. The war had taken every last ounce of humanness out of this man I had married. While he was in Vietnam, I had our first child all alone with no help from anyone and lived on a $92.10 monthly allotment sent for me and my daughter. Please, Please Please HELP to get this eligibility rule adjusted to todays world. This includes the thousands and hundreds of thousands of we baby boomers who were forced to divorce from this type of misery in order to stay alive. I am now 68 years old, living on $17,000 a month, trying to work part time to have a livable existence. I need your help and deserve as much of a benefit, the only benefit possible for me to have for the years of living with the hardships and demands that his career required. Someone help me please. Please.

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