Attempting to help both sets of parent at once

Discussion in 'Share Your Personal Experience' started by jetphantom, May 19, 2013.

  1. jetphantom

    jetphantom Newbie


    First of all, I thank you so much for the service you provide on this site and I have been absorbing it like a sponge, since my wife shared it with me yesterday. I will try to keep this simple, because both my wife and I are dealing with my widowed mother (my Dad a WWII vet), as well as her mother and father (Korean War Vet). All of our folks are 86 years old. Here goes:

    My mother is legally blind and lives in assisted living (in Texas) that provides different levels of care. She is also very close to being deaf as well, though we are still able to communicate well. My mother cannot cook for herself anymore, so she eats all meals in the dining room within the ALF. For obvious reasons she cannot drive and needs help when she has to go out as well to appointments. Other than this, at present, she is in fair health, not needing help with meds or going to the bathroom, etc. She has her meds delivered, and organizes them herself (with the help of a Big Eye large screen TV used for AMD patients).

    1. Does it look like she will qualify physically for Aid? I have to say “no” to the 5 ADLs at this time, though this could change anytime.

    2. My mother is considering setting up an irrevolkable trust to protect her dwindling assets, with the understanding that she will eventually be qualified physically, even if she is not now. After the trust is set up, then when she is qualified physically, then she will meet the maximum liquid asset stipulation, as I understand. What maximum amount should she setup? $80,000 or less than that?

    My mother and father in law lived in their home in South Dakota, and my father in law is blind, has dementia, in addition to other medical problems. My wife has been living nearly full time helping them since Feb 2012 (our home is in southern Nevada). Most recently, her folks have had to hire in home care several days per week to assist as well. The question 1 above (RE my mother) is not a factor with my father in law, as I know he qualifies. Question 2 above also applies to my in-laws. Following are other questions reference my in laws:

    1. My wife and her mother are legally appointed co-guardians of her father because of his dementia. They are looking to also be appointed as co-conservators as well, to allow them to be able to set up an irrevolkable trust for their property. Because of factors beyond my wife’s and my control, we are in the midst of Chapter 13 Bankruptcy. We expect that her mother will rather be the fiduciary for her husband anyhow, but this will keep either my wife or I from performing this duty, if we understand correctly? We are both only children, so there is really no one else to help our parents, without then hiring someone. My mother in law is not in great shape either, with early stage Parkinson’s, AMD and other problems. However, she is mentally in pretty good shape so far.

    2. Should my mother in law start the fiduciary vetting with the VA now while she is going through the legal procedures to establish conservatorship? We are not sure, but expect that the legal paperwork for this to take at least a couple months.

    3. Once my mother in law has set up the fiduciary and there is a irrevolkable trust in place, is this when she should start the paperwork? My wife and I would probably still help them with this and insure that my mother in law understands all of it. Is there any problem with our assistance because of our bankruptcy?

    Thank you very much for your help. I hope that this wasn’t too much and that it is understandable. It has been complicated, but things seem to be falling into place somewhat.

    Respectfully yours,

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