Scott: I received a decision like the one your father got proposing incompetancy and I successfully went through the fiduciary process. Here's a link to my post that describes my experience through the interview:
http://veteranaid.org/forums/index.php/topic,969.msg3619.html#msg3619.
On the bank account issue, I actually did not become fiduciary until about two weeks after the interview when I received papers from the VA acknowledging the finding of incompetency and appointing me as fiduciary. The paperwork explicity described my responsibilities and instructed me in how to open a separate bank account for the vet for VA deposits, including how I should sign checks and the wording that should be on the checks. Like your father and sister, my mother and I already have a joint checking account where my Mom's VA checks have been deposited directly since she was approved for A&A and prior to my being appointed fiduciary. When I opened the new bank account I called the VA regional office for fiduciary decisions (at a telephone number given in the fiduciary paperwork) and gave them the routing number and account number for direct deposit. They asked if I wanted all VA checks to go to the new account and I said yes. This month the check went to the new account and the system seems to be working flawlessly.
My recommendation is just to take it a step at a time and tap into your hidden reserves of patience.
